Guilt usually says that something you did was wrong; shame says that something is wrong with who you are. Because shame targets identity rather than behavior, it can make repair feel impossible and lead people to hide, withdraw, become defensive, or attack themselves.
Shame often grows in secrecy and rigid self-judgment. A more helpful response begins by naming the feeling, separating the person from the behavior, and asking whether the inner verdict is accurate, fair, and consistent with how you would respond to someone else.
Self-compassion does not mean avoiding responsibility. It makes responsibility more workable by allowing a person to acknowledge harm, make amends when appropriate, and choose different behavior without treating themselves as permanently defective.
Explore related topics: guided mental health lessons, the Guilt and Self-Compassion lesson, and psychotherapy with Adam Lukeman, LCSW.